Saturday, January 31, 2009

I'm sorry, my mistake"poem"

Candle flares lighted my room
as my mom stayed up all night
sewing my clothes and my wounds
each stitches has showed me each feeling
her kindness and love can't be replace and describe
her shadow is very much motherly

As I look at it
I'd begun to realize
How I mistreated her now and then
All she gave me is love
The love that is so pure
that nothing in the world could compare to
I am filled with sorrows and regrets
I'd just could end my life there
but this is the life she gave to me
Now I hold dear to it
and live only for her

"Feeling" Poem

Please don't call me for no reason
But let my soul be the wind
Help me stand and guide me through
These are my feelings I hold dear to

One, and two and lastly three
It's time to end what is here
Smile and greet with these tears
Then let the world know what you hear

There is a part I want to take
There is a time where I want to part
Sweet and sadness gather to join
Now the curse has lifted as I rejoice.

Come and go as you're please
Lock the door and leave the key
Drive away and let me be
But love has guided you back to me




123, let dance to night. Me and phuong anh took a college class today at evegreen college and it was so fun. Dancing is funny and how the guy shake their hip is hilarious. Phuong anh was funny and me, I'd fun.
I can't believe it I gamble and lost 40$. So sad, but oh well it worth while and fun. Guys, it the end of the first month of the year. We have 11 more month to go so be prepare. Final is coming up in 4 month. Im waiting for it. Then it summer.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Poem, remember my name

Remember my name
so you can call me in your dream
Just a little bit of love
drove me to desolation

Am I still in love
since I misses you
You have forgotten
but I still remember

Since you step out to goes
I stay in pain and suffer
White cloths I wore
sitting in your room

Storms rage and hail crash
when you return to me
So sad and lonely
the night covered you

Once, on the hill
you made poems
Flower and tree sing and dance
It will be the last

Bird flying south
Fly over your grave
I realize I was in love
It was too late by now

Oh my poor love
Fairy tale is just a story
All I wish is together
But why God play with our life

Now I turn my head around
wish you good bye
Please don't stop the time
I will look forward to life. 

Friday, January 23, 2009

Ok, this poem just poem out of nowhere.

I'm missing you
I'm dreaming now
I will go down until time goes
and by.

Never let go
Until time stop
and when we are together
now.

Let me be here
Let you hear me
For cry and cry
out is your name.

I want to scream
I want to yell
why can't I hear your 
voice by now.

Fly like the wind
Dive like the sea
free like the air
surround you now.

I missing you
you gone by now
until time stop
we see again.

Good Night

This year, so many bad thing happen to me. My whole life is so mess up. Everything goes again me, and I'm not happen. And new year came and I still feel tire and sad. My life is too mess up right now than before. I just not use to deal with this, I think Imma meditate tonight.

Monday, January 19, 2009

"Poem" Where are You?

While I walking on the road of life
Each step, it remind me of you
Your smiles and soul are still by my side
But you're not here

I thought we'd be like this forever
but life is just so unexpected
How, sometime I believed you still here
but your touches is what I'm missing

Sorrows that I can't describe
so painful I could die
your last word is goodbye
As I hold your hands and cries

I'd often see illusions of you
With a smile telling me to move on
The sky is turning blue
And a new day begin for me

It's like a nightmare
when you're not here
When the day end and morning come
The cycle will begin again.

Bcd

Wow it my little bd and we celebrating it. Funnnnnnnn. Eating stuff and hang out with family. Playing card and make bomb. So I be gone now. Bb

Can't believe it

It already the 3rd days of the 4th day break. I'm, so sad that school gonna start soon. I hate this so much. I wish school will be fun the upcoming week. Like a teacher that is like bad.Scary students something like that.

Friday, January 9, 2009

*Even Now I'd still

Even now, I'd still remember the sweetness of her voice. First grade start out as a new beginning for me. It make me feel more grow up and looking much better.
It was a fine day today and my mom took me to school. When we reach the front stoned-cement gate. Students like me dressed up with white shirt and dark blue pant and their parents walk them to school with a smile on their face. The first impression I got from the school was like something I never get before. Trees of red flower grow around the school and inside also it in full bloom. The smell evaporated the nervous inside everyone and placed inside them with a sense of home sweet home feeling. Red bricks piling on the school top and make the classroom stand out from the houses near the school. I thought that it was too much to take in for me during my first day of school but I would never guess that there be more.

The classrooms smell of chalk and old woods. Chairs and tables are glued to each other and it make out of wood. Students quickly sat down at their place because on the board a sitting chart was written on it and I was very lucky. A girl who not my friend and not one that I know of, was sitting next to me. I looked at her and she flashed a smile at me. I smile back of course but she was cute. Her hair were short, curly, tall, white skin, brownish hair and she big eye with long eyelashes. For some reason she start talking to me and I would respond to her saying. She is always smile and hold my hand. I never feel nervous around her or by other girlssince I'm in 1st grade.

Around beginning of the third weeks of school. She asked me to teach her play jump rope and I was somehow the exper's in it. Sometime I would play jump rode with the 5th grade because I was too good. People in my town doesn't say that jump rope is for girls only because we are too poor to buy anything except roper ban and make it into a jump rope. Plus, the jump rope we play need balance and able to lift yourself high in the sky. The school courtyard was make up of small rock that hurt your feet when you walk without your sandals. Throw out the school year, I keep teaching her jump rope and play shoot the marbles. She improved alot with my teaching and the thing I still respect her for is, she wore high sandal that is really high. When she wore high sandal, she would be tall as me.

Once after school around spring, she asked me to her house to do homework because I was smart. We walked on the red powder rode of vietnam because if anyone wear white. The cloth would look redish color later. It was fun during the walking because we in a forest. Sometime we would hear rushling around us and we ran. Her face show such a nice have fun face. When we arrived at her old house. It was amaze to me how her house surround by leaves and wine. Her mom was nice to me and give me food to eat then we did our homework. Before I known it, outside is darkening and her dad drove me home. My mom would stand at front porch and greet me.

We went to 2nd grade together and before november. I had to say goodbye to her because I'm going to America. She challenged me to the last game of jumprope but I win because I alway win. It was fun and a memory that I would never forget. Her face was sad on the day I leave but she smile for me.

Now, it been 7 years since I saw any pictures of her or even talk to her. I lost her contact and I was having a hard time of my own here in America. Now I'm writing this, it give me sweet memory of someone I hold dear to in my heart. It late at night for I had put the pen down. Next time I write what will it be about?

Sitting here

Ok, so I was sitting here and type this blog. I was eatting two big, gigantic and loafsome croissant and it was delicious. I could feel the baked bread trying to multiply in my stomach. It make me want to throw up. Ewwww! Ok, so my next blog will be my homework.

Board Meeting

Today at Ms.Buelna room. We have a BM and it was so long. It was fun thought and we discuss alot of stuff. Jamba juice is out and it easy to sign up for ticket and Free day is coming up. We selling Chow Mein agian.

Friday, January 2, 2009

The Story's of My Life

November 20, 1993 I was born

January 14, 1994 My dad families leave for America leaving my mom and me.
He didn't even say a word to my mom that he is leaving for America until he at the airport. His families hate me and my mom very much especially my dad mother. They say that we are so poor and unfit to be in there family.

A little information about my dad family. There are six children in it and my dad is the oldest one. That make me the brother of whoever children that born in that family even if they older than me. Only 5 of the children came to america because the 2nd oldest married and didnt want to leave her family so she stayed behind. My grandpa(my dad -dad) was in the army of south vietnam and when it got capture. The communist took him to jail and stayed in there for 10 years. Because of that, my dad family earned the trip to America to make a new living.My dad family is not that rich either. 

As the years went by, I grew up and my mom have to cook food in a small restaurant she make out of our small house. She an awesome cook but my dad jealous and told her to shut it down because alot of customer came and eat at her place rather than other people. Then she goes into making cloths. During those time, my dad would sent to my mom money to raise me but not that much either. Then my dad send a lot sum of money to rebuild my house because my house is only make of brick that nearly about to break down. We build a house with  two bedroom. My mom-mom move in, my mom big sister move in and two of my cousins too(who their mom abandon them since they was infants. My mom and her sister took their hand and raise each of them. They older than me of course. 

Month-x-1999 My dad came back to Vietnam and that the first time I see my dad. There nothing special about him to me because I never get the fact that I have a dad. He say he came back to visit me and my mom and do some paper work so we can come to America. Soon some month later he leave for America.

October 6, 2001 We arrive at San Francisco airport and my dad, my dad parent came to greet us. Then we have a party at their house in Union city. Then after that we move in with my 3rd uncle. He live in fremont with his second wife and 2 children, they only 9month old and  2 years old.

We lived there until somewhere around 2003. During those time, my mom somehow gone crazy. She would forgot who she is and who I am. Sometime I ask her who I am, she would say I'm someone that is so random. Then she start to crawl outside like a crocodile. Whoever stand in front of her she would bite like a crocodile. Then she would eat leaves. Those was harsh time for me and my dad. Another thing that bad is my dad would usually slap me on the butt when I do something wrong or whip me. It usual for my anyway because I get whip at Vietnam by my mom sometime. Also the two little children would alway get me into trouble whenever I play with them because they a cry baby and alway put the fault on me. Around 2003, my dad make a joke that the house is somehow haunted and so we move.

December 6, 2002 My 3rd uncle  first wife came to America and bring her 3 children. The oldest is a girl and is 1 year older than me. The second one same age. and the third one is 3 year younger than me. 

We moved to somewhere in Fremont again. My 3rd uncle first wife move right in front of us(we live in an apartment). And so live go on. Sometime My mom would go crazy agian. She got pregnant and give me a sister. Then she got her hair liscensed. Right after I came to America, my dad is layoff and to now, 2009 he is not even working. Every year I would move because my parent would argue too often. During those time, he would hit me and not just slap not the butt but my face and he would kick me in the back and like everywhere. 

2006- We move to Campbell and lived there. He still hitting me and Sometime I face would have bruises everywhere. Sometime he try to strangle and he would say, you are not my son. You are someone else son. You could feel how hurtful that is. The only time I feel like myself is at school because at home. They would argue and fight with each other. The neighbor would ask me, what happen between your parent last night because I saw them fightning with each other outside. It such an embarass thing to answer but I just answer them like nothing happen because it usually happen so it feel nothing new. 

2007- September He hitted me on my face and hit my nose and try to strangled me and punch my mom. My mom say called the police and he say that call for all I care. I just call the social worker to send both of you back to Vietnam because you got no American Citizenship. I know that won't work but my mom is someone who easily believable. My mom couldn't make the call but I press 911, it ring for 1 then my mom press end. Then my mom say let leave, Your dad is useless. After I been to america. All I do is work and your dad sit home on his ass working on his computer that can't even afford the rent or the grocery for one day. He too lazy to even go outside to find a decent job and that he think those job that pay around 14$ out there is not good for him bcaus he a high technology engineer. We leave he house but sit in the car in front of our house. Then we saw him go out and get on his car and drove away. Then 2 min later, we saw two police car arrive in front of the house and they went into our house. Then they came out and about to leave but I hate him so much that I get out of the car. My mom told me to stop but I walk to them and told them that I called them. We talk for a little while and they say that they will bring him to court. After that, my dad-dad somehow through a cup and hit my dad-mom and my dad-mom bring her husband ot court. They say that they need my dad to represent my grandpa in this case. That morning, he went to court and afternoon. My mom came home and told my that brought my dad to jail. Then during the few month, I have to went to court. During those time, I didn't even went to visit him once and he told my mom to bail him out. I told my mom that don't be stupid and do that. What will you do if after he got out of jail and leave you. Who will pay the money, now that this happen, go all the way. My dad family pretend to be nice to me because im the one who is important for my dad release. During the last court, I was thinking of how he brouht me over here so I leave out some fact that would jail him for a few year but I told them that he is not allow to talk to me and will not step into the house. My mom willing to talk to him because she love him and after he got out. I didn't let my mom pick him up and my dad parent give me a talk but I was like. Y don't you teach your son rather than teach me. You never like me from the beginning. Look at your son, did you raise him well. No, then don't give me that talk because he mean nothing to me. All he die or live doesn't goes with me. My dad went and live with his parents. During all this, I tryin to skip 8th grade and somehow I passed all the test.

After that my mom and me move to san jose and I went to Guderson High school. He call my mom family in Vietnam and tell them that my mom is owning ppl a lot of money and now they are after her. They gonna kill her, which is not true. My mom got mad easily and he know that but he try to make her mad. Then time pass and me and my dad would argue more. Then around 1 month ago. My sister went live with me and then my dad and his mom went back to vietnam without even sayin a word. He go over there to meet his new gf. He is 43 and the girl is 23. My dad take my mom family to meet his gf and say that if my family is selling the house then he would buy it for the girl ot live in. That make my mom mad alot because he don't even have the money to help raise me and my sister and he would say buy a house. He can't even afford livin alone. He living iwth his mom right now. He also say that he took care of my sister for a whole year now and now my mom is takin care of her. She is asking him for money. He go around my mom birthplace and bad talk about her. Which make her mad. Once thing is that he can't even afford to live alone and he talk about buy the house for his new gf to live. Also my mom ask him for money while whenever we take him out for dinner because we want ot have a family meeting for my little sister. My mom alway pay and she give him some money because she know he not working. And today, My mom heard about what he say, she got so mad and the house is an uproar. I never get to live in peace. Now I usually get anry at people for not much reason. I feel like im not myself and it hurt me much. I feel like I don't even know my mom,, she a totally different person. The good thing is that American kid over here, they seem to be so spoil. They get most of the stuff they want and they want more. Their family, they don't think it precious when I can't even have a nice dinner. I feel the live between me and the kid over here too different. I live in farm and I know stuff. I do everything by myself that y I alway alone.
Bb for now, it midniht



Thursday, January 1, 2009

4 season? I'm crazy

The river flow softly
For the spring have visit
The leaves grow upward
starting the reflection of life

The river flow somewhere
For the summer has come
The wheat turn yellow
ready for the farmer to pick

The river turn spiral
since it carry leaves
The autumn appear
to let gathering food begin

The river is expressionless
Since the water have froze
The bear is inside 
and the chipmunk is sleeping.

Now a year have come and go
The four season start and end
The life cycle never stop
For life is alway there.