Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Unspeaking Heart
I'm sitting here right now at 6pm on wednesday evening thinking about my life. It occurred to me how much I feel lonely right now. Feel lonely for I know no one that I can look at and smile saying I love you to. It feel lonely that I know my heart has never been able to speak the truth for once. I alway put a mask behind it and never been able express my feeling. People who know me think they do understand me but I never seem to be the one they think they know. I hide behind a mask to stop from getting hurt and from the pain. Now sitting I feel lonely while listen to a song and talking to someone I like but not able to tell that person. I seem to be letting other people have what they want and me having nothing. I know from time to time my feeling will not be express until I understand my feeling or even until that person get together with someone. I feel so lonely thinking about this and love song make me sad about my life. I moved so much that I don't have someone to talk to that truly understand me and I know finding the right person is difficult and easy but the right is never near.
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I know what you mean. Never in my life have I had a person who understood me or even cared about me. Usually I spent all my life trying to figure out the one reason why I am still alive. All these thoughts rushing through my head making feel lonely and miserable. However, you should always confide in the one person that will help you no matter what. I know it's difficult to find that right person but you just have to keep looking. Last year, I cried almost every night because there was no one who understood me. Nobody could help me and nobody really cared to pay any attention. This year I kind of moved out of the box and began to rely on some friends to help me. And you know what? It has helped me so much. I know life can be difficult and can destroy you in any way but friends are always there for you. It's like my mother says. Friends are like a ring shining in the light as you fade away. They will bring back that shining light.
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